TO BE HONEST...

Relevant to
Where have you been Itunu? Everywhere. I have been up and down and really really down and up again. First of all let me start by saying sorry guys, I haven't blogged for over 2 months which is even surprising to me because I was really excited to start blogging about Year 13, that's until the pressure kicked in.
 
Year 13 has been difficult so far. I started the year optimistic about having a fresh start. I had already done a lot of research about my course, Politics and International Relations, and also the Universities I wanted to go to. I spent summer writing a few drafts of my personal statement and was really motivated to do well. So I was pretty much sorted right? Err not quite. A few weeks into the new school year I started second guessing myself BIG TIME. Do you really want to do this course? Are you ready for University? Do you even know WHAT ON EARTH you are doing? Instead of voicing my fears, I kept them to myself. When the conversation about applications started I was all ' UCAS, Applications, Exams, Responsibility, Life *manic laughter*' it was bad.
 
After a while, I realised that my secret panic was not doing me any good and spoke to my admissions tutor who told me , *I'm paraphrasing*,to keep calm, stay positive and complete my personal statement. After getting it checked over and doing a lot of editing my personal statement was done. Then it was applying. OH MY GOODNESS. There are so many Universities out there doing my course and picking 5 was hard. I finally got my final 5 and now it was time to apply. Again, I had another secret panic/hesitation before I finally hit the send button and was able to breathe freely for the first time in about 3 months.
 
I have got 4 of my offers so far but I am still a bit scared about everything; getting the grades I need, making the most of my time and coping at University. Wait let me rewind, I am really happy about my offers (don't want to sound like the girl who's unhappy because she got Evian instead of Voss) but I'm more freaking out than smiles. I guess that's why I didn't want to blog because 'fear is for the weak' and all that jazz buuuutttt if I want to blog about Year 13 I have to be honest don't I? And to be honest, Year 13 has been a whirlwind of emotions. The work load hasn't been greater for me but the mental strain has been GIGANTIC because for the first time I am working towards something that I really really want.
 
I decided to stay at my secondary school after GCSEs and was pretty certain I would get back in because, why wouldn't they want me *flicks braids*. But in all seriousness, since I didn't move school for 6th form this is the first time in my educational life (is that a thing 'educational life'...ahh well it is now) I am working for a tangible goal and it is mad scary. Sprinkled on top of that I'm leaving my friends, my school, and the comfy 6th form area with the paninis and sofas and I don't know if I'm ready for that change.
 
There is a lot of pressure because there is a constant reminder of not letting yourself and your loved ones down. There is also such a strong feeling of 'If I mess this up, I am going to ruin my life', 'if I mess this up, I will have failed myself' and then you hit a brick wall where the constant narrative is 'look at my grades/motivation level/brain activity I am failing, why do I even try?'.
 
I have always believed that school shouldn't make people sad,like it's really not that deep (or, rather, it shouldn't be). For the past few months however, I've come to understand why school can become a place where you have to muster up all your strength to go there every morning. It's difficult. It becomes a fight between wanting to grow up and leave school now and wondering if you're ready for independence and a new academic experience.
 
There's a quote that says 'enjoy the journey between where you are and where you want to be' and I guess we're all in the 'in-between' stage and it's important to work smart and be positive. Now, this is not a brush off form of motivation, where I go back to my perfect grades and life, I am in the trenches too, I am freaking out too but I know how important it is to think positively in order to get what you want.  
 
I am working to get through this with more smiles and less tears and I am encouraging, in fact URGING you to do the same because we're all worthy of happiness as we work towards getting through the jungle that is Year 13.
 
I wish you all the best in your Year 13 journey and remember we're all in this together amigos.


Plus I'll try and start blogging more often than once every few months :)
 
Itunu x
 
P.S Click here to vote for me as UCAS blogger of the year :)