The dos and don’ts of results day conversations
Results day can be a rollercoaster of emotions, and it's easy to get caught up in the excitement (or disappointment) of the day. Here we'll cover how to handle conversations to ensure better outcomes for you and your child.
Clementine Wade, university and school coach, has worked as a teacher, examiner and uni coach since 2005. She specialises in Key Stage 5 qualifications and super selective universities. Clem's created guidance to help you understand results day and Clearing, and get to grips with what you should be doing when to best support your child through the process.
Results day can bring a mix of emotions such as excitement, nerves, and the odd sleepless night — and that’s just for the parents! Whether your child is eagerly refreshing their emails or trying to pretend it isn’t happening, it’s an important moment for you all.
And while you can’t control the outcome, you can choose how we talk about them. The right words can lift them up and help them see the bigger picture.
So, here’s my guide on the dos and don’ts of results day conversations, to ensure your child feels supported and family relationships remain intact!
Conversations with your child
To ensure you get the best out of your child, avoid:
Closed questions
Questions like “are you nervous?” only have a yes/ no response and don’t enable your child to explore their feelings. Instead go for questions that open discussion, like “how are you feeling?”.
Minimising
Stating “you will be fine, whatever you get” or “results don’t matter” whilst coming from a good place, actually minimises their hard work and thus undercuts their achievements. Instead, be realistic and spend the weeks before results day creating contingency plans.
Conditional language
Students don’t need a reminder that “as long as an A is achieved, then all will be fine”. It creates a sense of all or nothing and heightens anxiety. Again, it’s about having multiple back up plans and reinstating your support regardless of outcome.
“I told you so” sentence starters
Parents, your reaction carries immense weight on results day. While it's perfectly natural to feel disappointed or frustrated, remember that your child is watching closely. Save the "lessons learned" conversations for later – right now, your child needs emotional and practical support above all else.
Over promising
Now is not the time to don your white knight costume. Instead of saying “I’ll fix it”, review options and utilise all the resources available. Ultimately your job is to empower your child.
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Helpful phrases to use
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Helpful phrases to use
For disappointing or unexpected results
- "This is tough news, but I believe in your ability to handle it."
- "I know this isn't what you hoped for, but I'm here to support you."
- "It's okay to feel upset – it’s totally normal, but we'll figure out next steps together."
- "This moment doesn't determine your future"
For the results your child hoped for
- "Your hard work really paid off and these results are a testament of that effort”
- "I'm proud of not just your grades, but how you approached your studies."
- "These results open up options - let's discuss what you're excited about."
- "It's wonderful to see your efforts recognised."
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Conversations with school or college
On results day, there are several types of conversations parents and students can have with teachers. Instead of emoting, blaming and demanding, get to the bottom of the options for your child by going through these questions strategically and calmly:
How far away are they from the next grade boundary?
What is the process and time requirement for re-marks?
Can we see if the university or college can wait? (NB: It is totally up to each university whether they can hold a student’s place)
What would be the pros and cons of re-applying next year?
In your professional opinion, what would you suggest?
Remember, teachers are there to help on results day. They know your child academically and are therefore well placed to advise on next steps, so lean on their support!
Conversations with universities and colleges
I would always recommend it’s the child/student who communicates directly with the university or college, but for various reasons this might be difficult.
If you are going to be making the Clearing phone call on behalf of your child, it’s vital you check you are named as their nominated contact on UCAS to ensure universities communicate directly with you. If you’re not sure, have your child contact UCAS to check and amend, if necessary.
Check out our step-by-step clearing conversation video for detailed guidance, or use these essential questions to navigate the process effectively:
What courses would they be eligible for?
How much time do they have to decide?
What accommodation is there?
Could they speak to an academic member of teaching staff or current student?
Is there anything else the institution needs?
Conversations with family and friends
Grandpa Frank’s inevitable "so how did they do?" can be a difficult one to navigate when you’re in the throng of sorting things out. Here's how to handle it:
Rehearse responses together: Practise concise, confident answers to common questions.
Set boundaries: It's perfectly acceptable to say, "We're still processing and exploring options, so bear with us."
Create a communication plan: Decide together who shares what information and when.
Be your child's advocate: Step in if conversations become overwhelming, redirecting or ending them when necessary.
Limit social media: Suggest a temporary break from platforms where results comparisons happen.
The conversations you have with your child on results day are important and could impact their relationship to learning, their self-esteem, and their willingness to take on challenges in the future. No pressure!
Help everyone out by having open discussions weeks before results day and create multiple back-up plans.
On the day itself, focus on listening, supporting, and empowering your young person to take effective next steps rather than solving problems for them. Remember how you respond in this moment will be remembered long after the grades themselves have faded from memory.
Your pocket careers adviser: Results day and Clearing support
We've worked with university and school coach, Clementine Wade, to create articles, videos, and email tips to help you understand results day and Clearing and get to grips with what you should be doing and when to best support your child through the process.